And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
