I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
