you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
