if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
