I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
