ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
