is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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