absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
