Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize