so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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