And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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