So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
