Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
