Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
