i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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