I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
