just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
