I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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