Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
