hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
