can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
