He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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