these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
