there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
