i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
