Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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