please come you make the beer taste better
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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