i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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