the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
