Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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