so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
