His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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