How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bring me that man meat
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
