she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
