even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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