ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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