im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
