I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
