His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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