I faked an abortion last night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
