dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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