My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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