I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
