So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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