i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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