'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
