totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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