I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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