Well apparently he's into motor boating.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
