Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
