I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
