Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
