At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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