I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
