So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
