I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
