Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
