i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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