So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
