Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
