would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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