I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
