I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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