With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
