Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
